Geared Tear Glands

I wish God created me with this add-on feature. At least, would like to know what it would cost to incorporate one. Would have saved a lot of trouble right from childhood. Now, to elaborate more on the problem, leave alone having a gear, my tear glands mal-functioned when in dire need. Not that I was suffering from Sjögren's Syndrome or something, but I just can't cry.

When as a child, this lack of lachrymal stimuli, has caused enough damage. A mistake from my side, would start off as a mild rebuke from my mother. If only I had turned on the engine and cried in first gear, my mother would have felt content, that her words have made me repent. But, even after some voluntary twitching and scrubbing, not a tear would roll down! Enough indication of stubbornness. This would just about aggravate her enough to whack me to get that tear out!

Over the times, I learnt to live with my handicap. I began to believe that 'Tears were expressions of weakness and surrender' and that am mentally strong not to cry. There were times, in childhood, I used to sit back and wonder, what if I don't cry for a bereavement? What will people think of me? Won't they call me stone-hearted? I was more worried about this than the loss from a bereavement!(Cruel Me - I used to think).

There were enough people around me who, capitalized on their geared tear glands. There were enough of them to make me jealous and yearn for this feature! Game or fight, competition or team work, the elders thought the crying or the meek were being bullied by me and were pitied. Grrr..

How many cry for emotional movies? There is this friend of mine who has tears rolling, even if the villain gets hit. Remember Anjali? or My dear kutti Chathaan? Almost all the kids, coming out of the movie hall, came out crying, except me!

Now, as an adult, there are a few pressing issues that had me cry my heart out in silence, at nights! I've cried for hours and days.. But, again, when I have to do it in front of others, my glands fail! My brain sometimes realizes that a 4th gear tear now, will save or help - But refuses to convert that into a command to my glands. I used to wonder if it is an ego problem!

Over so many years of analysis and living with this problem, there are a few things I realized.

1. There is an emotional gear – at least in case of bereavement! The more closer I am to a person, more the tears
2. Not many can control tears - just that many can start their vehicle in 3rd or 4th gear, while I jus can't
3. If a guy doesn't cry, he's considered to be strong. If a girl doesn't she is just too stubborn

Whatever be the justification, I really wish I could cry, when I want to!